I recently learn that there’s grieving stages in breaking up. I actually heed my friend’s advice to Google it. Yea, I am desperate. I am desperate to get over him.
I told my friend that I crave for chocolates, ice cream and cakes every single day but disgusted just by looking at food. I lost all my appetite, even if you placed a plate of salmon sashimi infront of me, I doubt I can finish it. I learn that all this is perfectly normal.
Shock, denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages are not in order; i can jump from this stage to another, repeating it till I finally get over you.
At some point of time, i wanted to crush him alive and want him back at the same time. It’s confusing but this is totally normal.
I am finally through with the stage of denial. I accept the fact of heartbreak and no longer hope for reunion. Last week I facebook stalk him, till last Saturday I stop doing it. Although I still have the desire to know what he’s doing now, how well he has been coping with life but I stop myself from doing it. It’s already 4 day since I suppressed my desire to stalk him. I believe I can continue suppressing my feelings forever.
As for other stages, i am still going through, jumping from this stage to another and going back to the same stage. I am afraid I can’t get over him. I told my friend I am afraid he talked to girls, flirt with girls. My friend than told me it’s normally to feel this way and if he really does that, the more you should forget about him because this prove what kind of guy he is. After hearing this, I kind of wish he could flirt with other girls and get into a relationship with one. If he does that, the more I can get over him.
Despite being depressed and afraid that I couldn’t get over him, I am constantly reminded that there are many people backing me up. There are many people helping me up when I was about to fall. I am grateful and I promised that I will get over him. No matter how long it will take, I am willing to give in my best. I am doing this for myself, not to prove to him anything.
I have deleted those two post that i wrote about him, not because i am guilty of anything but since we once shared something together, i decided i shall not hurt your ego any further. Be it fake stories or true stories, i believe that the truth can defend itself, only a lie needs to be defended. Who’s the one defending oneself, i will leave it to you people to decide.